I was a slave to the social media numbers game — to the dopamine boost I would get from each like and comment, to hours of scrolling every morning and night. I would agonize over the perfectly witty way to word a tweet. I used to delete and repost Instagram photos at least five times in a day if they didn’t get “enough” likes after a few minutes.
Needless to say, I spiraled pretty far down the social media rabbit hole and stayed there for years. My perfectionism reared its ugly head and drove me to crave the approval of strangers on everything I posted. I needed their approval because the content represented the persona I made for myself — the woman whom I desperately wished I could be, but felt so far away from because of my rampant insecurities. The vice was all too easy to fall into.
I cared more about the digital apparition of my life than the reality of it.
Thankfully, this last year since graduating college has put a lot into perspective for me. I snapped out of the haze I was in and realized I needed to get a handle on what had basically become an addiction. Managing my technology use is a work in progress and it probably always will be, but I’ve tried to implement some simple changes and so far, the improvements in my mental health and general quality of life have been amazing!
Here are a few guidelines that I try to keep in mind every day for healthier social media use. They continue to change my relationship with technology (and with myself) for the better while I keep learning, and in sharing them I hope they can do the same for you…or at least get you thinking.
Limit your screen time.
This is probably the most immediate action you can take to fix your bad habit.
I personally believe that we as humans are not naturally wired to handle all of the media that is thrown at us in this fast-paced day and age. I often feel overwhelmed and overstimulated from the constant noise, and I’m sure I’m not the only one. Our brains and bodies need space to decompress.
You could remove all devices from your bedroom at night, or if you don’t have that much willpower, just pay attention to your usage. In the last year Apple and Google have both released screen time trackers and they are game changers. Apple’s Screen Time feature tracks your daily and weekly screen time, the average number of times you pick up your phone per hour, your most used apps, and more.
I highly recommend using a tool like this, whether it’s on an operating system or a separate app, if you want to cut back but don’t know where to begin.
When I first started using Screen Time, I was honestly horrified to learn how many hours per day I spent on my phone. I set a daily social media limit of 3 hours, which I often ended up going over and “allowing” myself just 15 more minutes, but as the weeks and months went on the urge to look at my screen went away. Instead of picking up my phone anytime I was bored, I learned to enjoy those precious periods of leisure or to fill them with things like reading or going outside (being busy at work all day also helps, haha).
Stopping your body from performing what has become a reflex is hard stuff. I still catch myself instinctively reaching for my phone too many times a day, but then I remember there is nothing urgent to attend to and I put it down…and repeat. I also make sure to set aside specific time at the end of the day for social media browsing. Now it’s like a fun game to see how low I can go!
Take everything with a grain of salt.
Easier said than done, I know. But this, my friends, is THE KEY to not losing your mind with envy when you’re scrolling through the ‘gram or reading about some Facebook friend’s new job, house, relationship, insert milestone here.
Instagram in particular is a “highlight reel” where we all curate the best version of ourselves. We share idealized images of the life we want others to think we have. It’s just a tiny peek behind a much larger curtain, and…that’s totally fine.
I’ve always been a bit confused by people who call others out as fake for not sharing more personal blurbs of their lives online. Not all of us are comfortable with being vulnerable and shouting our struggles into the online void for strangers to read; for those who are, more power to them. But it is not necessary to call attention to the not-so-great aspects of your life just to be more “honest” if you don’t want to.
All social media platforms are performative, and the burden is on us to remember that when we are using them. When you’re swiping through your feed and you see yet another vacation photo from that girl who seems to have it all together, it is all too easy to compare it to the shortcomings of your own life. But we are all guilty of pretending for the sake of keeping up with the Joneses, and everyone has issues we know nothing about. What’s the sense in comparing our full story to one highly edited page of someone else’s?
Train your brain to take everything you see with a grain of salt. Even it means telling yourself out loud, “This isn’t real. This person has problems too.” It is difficult to do, but once you come to terms with the surface level nature of social media, you can keep the jealousy at bay, have more fun engaging with it, and loosen the damaging grip it has on your psyche.
Change the purpose behind your usage.
This goes hand in hand with the previous tip, but I think it’s worth expanding on. While social media has its many flaws and sinister aspects, not every part of it is inherently toxic. The subconscious motivations that lie behind our usage affect us a lot more than we think.
I recently saw a tweet relating to this subject, and it rubbed me the wrong way.
So I guess Instagram models and influencers automatically have a negative presence and artists and designers are somehow better or more positive? What the heck? To me, this is a weird and inverted message that absolves social media users of their own responsibility to be self-aware.
It is time for us to become conscious media consumers. Why do you open the apps you do — is it because you’re bored? Feeling down about yourself? Or do you use social media to educate yourself, find creative inspiration, and seek out others who espouse the same values you do?
Think about how you feel when you see certain people’s content, and if you find that it’s draining you or having a nasty impact on your mental state, unfollow them. Doesn’t matter if they’re an influencer, an artist, a celebrity, or even someone you consider a friend. You get to decide who and what “influences” you. You decide what energy to allow into your life, on and off screen.
Use social media more intentionally (in addition to using it less). Instead of judging, engaging in negativity, or mindlessly scrolling because you feel like you “have to” see what everyone is up to, make an active choice to change your interactions. Connect with people who can teach you, inspire you to achieve your goals, and help you become who you’ve always wished to be. Reframing it in this way will result in a much healthier experience.
The world is becoming more and more interconnected at a dizzying rate, and technology’s influence in our daily routines will only grow stronger. I think that now the time is more important than ever before for us to set healthy boundaries.
Whether it’s taking a “tech break” for a week, setting usage limits for yourself, going on an unfollowing spree, or just taking time to reflect on your social media use and how it affects your mental health…find what works for you and commit to it.
At the end of the day, whatever is going on the digital space doesn’t control how you live your life — you do. Make the necessary changes to separate your online and offline worlds, and you will find yourself again. Where can you start?